It's been a week....

Well the last week has been pretty eventful in my life. From working 3 days last week to having to change my own tire, to Joey's 2nd birthday party, my life has been nuts. I had to work Monday last week so I couldn't really do much after work that day. I came home and pretty much went to bed because I felt horrible. I could feel a cold coming on. Tuesday morning, I got up and still felt horrible so I made sure to take some medicine. It helped a bit, so I felt like could actually function that day. I tried to pick up and do some things around the house before heading to Mom and Dad's house to try to clean up for Joey's birthday party.

I spent most of the rest of the day over there trying to get some stuff done. When Mom got home from work, she was helping too. A former student of Mom's, Sarah, came over and helped too. I ended up having some anxiety about what was going on. The boys were fussy and Joey was getting into everything and Marc wasn't helping, so needless to say, I was super overwhelmed. I ended up breaking down and we decided to go home and get ready for bed. The boys went down pretty well and I got some sleep that night.

Wednesday day at work wasn't bad. Until I got to my car. There was a business card on it telling me to call Security because I had a flat tire. They won't change it, they will just air it up. So they finally came about an hour after I called them to air it up. I decided that if I was already running late, I might as well swing by work and pick up the boxes that I had set out. I parked in the circle drive and was helping Meagan put the boxes in my car and while I was doing that, I could hear a hissing. My tire was going flat again. It went flat within about 3 minutes of me parking. Luckily I didn't try to drive home on it. Instead of having Marc get all of the boys out (since they were sleeping), I decided that I needed to change it myself. It took me about 45 minutes to change it. One thing that made me so angry was that at least 10 men walked by or watched me from the link and only one person asked me if I needed help. Where is the chivalry these days? If my brother or dad saw a woman changing a tire by herself, they would stop. Why not other men? Not that I can't do it on my own, but it would have been nice for someone to do it or at least offer.

I got it changed and headed back home. I had to run to the store to get formula and baby food for the sitter the next day. That was one long day.


On Thursday, I worked another 12 hr shift and then Mom picked me up and took me to get the food/supplies for Joey's party. Nothing like last minute. We got everything except his big Elmo balloon. I enjoyed spending time with mom without the kids around.


Friday, Marc stayed home so he could go to the ER and get his foot checked out. Well apparently he fractured his ankle somehow. He has a walking cast and has to wear that for 6 weeks. We went and finished getting things for Joey's party and went to mom and dads to set up and got things set out and organized for his party. His party was a success. So many people showed up! I was overwhelmed with the people and the gifts that they got him. He got so many toys and clothes its overwhelming. He especially loves the tractors that everyone got him.

Saturday was his actual birthday so we just had a low key day and spent it playing with him and spending time at home. We went out to mom and dads so he could see them on his birthday and he played with his new t-ball set. We went and saw Marc's friend, Joal, after we left moms. He has been deployed for the last year so we haven't seen him and he hasn't seen the twins yet. Joey tripped and fell on the concrete so he got a wonderful Happy Birthday Bruise on his head! Overall its been a busy last week, but celebrating Joey being here for 2 years was the icing on the cake!

Slowing it down

I wish I could slow things down in my life and focus on what is important. I think that for a while, I have been struggling with not seeing things that are really important, like my kids and family. I have been only seeing that my house is dirty, or that I need to do laundry, or that I have to get ready for Joey's party this weekend. Somehow I focus on those things instead of playing with my boys and making sure they are doing things like practicing sitting up or feeding themselves. What is more important? Clearly the children are, but when things of the house are making you nervous and anxious, its hard to just forget them.

I never seem to get anything done. I never feel accomplished in my house which leads to not feeling accomplished in my life. I don't ever feel like I do anything that is important. Sure, taking care of the kids and making sure they are emotionally and physically safe is important, but other than the kids, I don't feel like I don't do anyting worthwhile. I barely ever finish anything. I have so many unfinished projects in my house. Quilts, baby clothes, organizational projects, and so many other things just don't get done. Is it because I choose to not do them or is it that I don't have the time. Many people ask me how I do it. How I run a house and have 3 kids under 2 (not for long.) The truth is that I don't really do it. I raise my kids, but if someone would come into my house unannounced, I would be so ashamed with what it looks like. It's so cluttered, dirty (as in crumbs on the floor, stains on the carpet, and old food wrappers on the table), and disgusting (nasty dishes in the sink that have been there for weeks.) With things like the dishes, I try to ignore them as long as I can. I act like if I don't see it, it's not there. Wish that was the truth, but it's not.

What is the happy medium? I guess if my husband worked with me on a regular basis on cleaning/picking up the house, it would get easier. I wouldn't feel like I have to do it all and do it when I could be possibly spending time with the kids and doing stuff I want to do. Boy would I love to do some things just for me. My life isn't about just me anymore though. Its about my kids. I need to slow my life down and find things that I can enjoy with the kids.

Babies for Sale!!

Joey got into my stickers that I was using to mark stuff for a yard sale and I guess he ended up tagging his brothers!

Johnathan was 25 cents!

I don't know if Jonah was priceless or Free!

And Joey added up to about $9.75! Love this kid!

Tired

I haven't been this tired in a long time. I was off yesterday (Wednesday) and I had someone that I went to high school with come over so I could help her on her Algebra. I busted my butt and cleaned up the living room and bathroom so that it would look somewhat presentable. We ended up at mom and dads house because we don't have Internet at our house. I helped her for a little bit. I don't know if she ran out of things that I could help her with or that she was tired of my kids. They were, as usual, needy and noisy, so we didn't get much done. I took the boys home and finally put Joey to bed around 2pm. He didn't sleep much. I was going to try to sleep some, but I decided I didn't need to and I tagged a bunch of stuff for a yard sale.

Marc got home and we made dinner. Grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. After that, we went to walmart to get a few things. (I had to get envelopes for Joey's invitations.) I got a call from work asking if I could come in that night instead of working the day shift the next day. I hadn't slept at all, but I figured that I would go ahead and do it so we would only have to pay a half a day of babysitting.


Work wasn't bad at all. I had a few people there who I really like working with, so that made the night go a little faster and better. Overall, it wasn't bad, but when 5am hit, I hit my wall. I guess my body gives up at the 24 hr mark. I went home and got to sleep a little less than 4 hrs and went and picked up the kids. I though that I would get a nap when they all napped, but no such luck. Joey didn't sleep, but he played quietly in his bedroom (for the most part he was quiet.) I got Jonah asleep in the swing in the living room and Johnathan and I were on my bed. I was dosing off and so was Johnathan, Jonah woke up and was screaming and didn't go back to sleep. I ended up just staying up. I was so tired, but it wasn't a big deal. I got some laundry done and just picked up around the house until it was time for the boys to go to bed. They went to bed and I was planning on doing the same, but my favorite show was on, Rookie Blue. Dumb show was a 2 hr season finale! I didn't end up staying up for it all. I ended up falling asleep and watched the rest of it later. Overall, it wasn't bad. I love sleep, but sometimes you don't get as much as you want!

Week with the kiddos!

So in the last week or so, the kids have changed so much! The twins have hit 3 major milestones! For a few weeks now, Johnathan and Jonah have been trying to sit up on their own. They haven't been really successful, but in the last week, they were able to sit up for a few minutes at a time and play with toys! When they start to look around and crane their neck to see something, they lose their balance and fall over. Jonah started crawling too! I put him down at my moms house and walked in the other room and I came back in and he was all the way across the room! I know he didn't roll that far, so I figured he scooted himself backwards and got where he wanted to go. I ended up seeing him do it later in the day. It was so cute! And the best of all.....drumroll please......They both started holding their bottles!

This is such a great thing in my house! With two babies needing bottles and a toddler running around getting into everything, it helps that they can hold them themselves. I still hold them for them sometimes, when its cuddle time, but I love the independence that they have! I will have to watch out though if they are crawling soon. I am in for a while of chasing 3 boys around!



We spent part of the weekend (and part of Labor Day) with Marc's family. It was a good time. On Sunday, we went to Aunt B's house for a Labor Day fish fry! It was good to see some of the family that we haven't seen in a while. We just were relazing and enjoying our time. Joey got a black eye by running into the edge of the table up there.

Joey after playing with his cousins

Joey just minutes after he hit his eye!

Johnathan asleep in the swing. He was tuckered out from playing all day.

Jonah playing with his daddy!

Jonah just smiling for Mommy!

Dr Google? and my doctor visit

The internet is an awesome thing. It can help you find old high school friends, it can help you get directions to the place you are travelling, and it can also give you a tutorial on how to make a quilt. It can also make you go insane thinking you have some sort of incurable disease.



I used Dr Google a few months back. I was having alot of symptoms that I couldn't explain. I talked with my mom and she said that I needed to look up some stuff about hypothyroidism. So I searched and I reasonablly thought I had it. On some sites, there were lists of about 15 symptoms that if you had them, you most likely had hypothyroidism. I had 11 of those 15 symptoms. So I decided to call and make and appointment with an Endocrinologist. That is so much easier said than done. I wanted to go with a doctor that knew my mom's history becuase family history of any thyroid disease is very important. I decided to go with mom's doctor. I tried to make an appointment with her and it was hard. I mean really hard. No one there wanted to see me because no one officially referred me. Well with my insurance, I don't have to have a referral. Tthen they said that they didn't want to see me because I didn't have a diagnosis. Well duh people, that is why I am coming to you! After jumping through some hoops, I finally got an appointment. 3 months later! I have to wait 3 months to see a doctor?

In the mean time, I am miserable. SOoooo tired, can't focus, so many ups and downs in my moods that its rediculous. I was withdrawn with most people, unlike my normally outgoing self. I don't like doing the things that I normally do. I was so overwhelmed and no matter what I did, I kept gaining weight. Needless to say, it was a rough 3 months waiting until my appointment.

About a month before it, I started a countdown and every time I remembered, I made sure to tell mom or some of my close friends just how many days I had left. I seriously thought that when I had my appointment that it would completely change my life. I thought I was going to go in there, she would listen to my symptoms and family history, and she would automatically prescribe me some medication that would cure all my problems and I would never look back at my hard life before this appointment.

I was so wrong. So so wrong. I went into the appointment with a feeling of anxiousness because I would have to finally talk to someone and tell them all the problems that I have been having, not only for the past few months, but for the past 7 years. Its hard to sit and tell someone all your weaknesses. I was very vunerable and open to this stranger. She sat there and listened as I explained it all, all the while crying through the whole appointment. In the end, she palpated my thyroid and pretty much said that she didn't think that anything medically was wrong with me. She in short, said that I was overweight and depressed. What? That was my diagnosis?

So she insisted that I see my doctor for some depression medication. I don't disagree with her on that. I am overwhelmed and most likely have some Post Pardum Depression, but I don't know how having PPD would make me have problems for the past 7 years. It hurts most of all. I know that she is concerned about my emotional well being, but um, what have I been going through for the past 7 years and she is only focusing on what I am going through RIGHT NOW? Its like she listend to part of what I said, not all of it.

Mom went back to see her for her check up this past Friday and the doctor voiced her concerns about me then. Mom got to tell her from her point of view what she thought about it all. I ohpe the doctor listened to her since she obviously didn't listen to me.

For right now, I am on some medication for my depression. I am fine with that. If it makes me stop feeling how I feel now, I will do it. We will just see how things go. I hope that if I don't have hypothyroidism, I can figure it out. With our without my nemesis/friend, Dr Google.

Why don't I post?

Why don't I post more often? Well the thing is, there are a few different reasons that I don't blog as much as I want to. I would love to have the witty blog that everyone reads and can't wait for an update. I would love to have pictures galore and have a great timeline of my son's lives. But I don't.

The reasons you ask (well since I only have 13 followers, I doubt that no one will ask), I will tell you. I have a life. I have 3 little kids that I have to take care of. I have a house to take care of. I have at least 2 or 3 loads of laundry a day that I SHOULD be doing. I have dishes to wash, dogs to feed and pick up after, a house to try to keep somewhat picked up (which doesn't happen too much) and then there is feeding them. I have to make at least 3 meals a day for Joey and I, at least 5 bottles each for the twins, and we are starting to feed them 3 meals a day (but we can count only 2 because they always get 2.) After worrying about that, I barely remember to eat and pee myself.

But I will tell you, all the overwhelming feelings that I have about getting everything done in teh day go away when I see those boys and their cute faces. I don't care if the laundry got done. I don't care if I have on clean clothes. As long as the boys are fed and happy, I am happy.

Its been a struggle lately to find that happy medium between knowing what is ok to let go and what I absolutely need to get done. I have had some anxious moments lately when it comes to the house and getting everything done that I feel needs to get done. How do you choose between having sanity knowing that your house is clean and letting it go? I know that we just need deep clean the house, purge all things that we don't need anymore, and then start fresh. Have it easy to clean up less stuff. If you have less there, there is less to clean up. It is hard knowing that you have to get rid of some of the stuff that you have. I am not a pack rat by any means, but either you bought the stuff or someone gave it to you. Its like throwing money out the window! But how much is your sanity worth when having a dirty/cluttered house makes you insane!